Hanalei Vierra, Ph.D., is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in San Diego, California. He has specialized for almost 30 years in working with male clients as individuals and in groups. He has also worked for over 20 years with his psychologist wife M’Lissa in doing conjoint couples counseling. Hanalei’s down-to-earth approach to 21st century masculinity focuses on helping men access the testicular fortitude necessary to create healthy intimacy in relationships by freeing themselves from the prison of toxic, emotional ignorance that is traditional masculinity. He has recently published his first book titled:


How Healthy Masculinity Will Transform Your Life,

Your Relationships, and the World.

This book offers a step-by-step roadmap that teaches men the important role that authenticity, personal integrity, and self-respect plays in creating a life that has meaning and gratitude.

Nearly 1 in 10 men suffer from depression or anxiety.

Most do not seek treatment.

My Work

After almost three decades of being in private practice as a Marriage & Family Therapist, I have noticed a few patterns that I think we as men need to change in order to:


a) Update our definition of masculine identity,

b) Bring that updated version of ourselves to the people we love, and

c) Use it to help make the world a better place in which to live.


I recently published a book titled The TRUE HEART of a MAN that paints a picture of how I think we can raise the bar of what masculinity means for a 21st century world that is hugely different from the 20th century world of our fathers and grandfathers.


This website is dedicated to helping men learn how to re-write and heal whatever ways we’ve been culturally brainwashed into believing that the value and worth of what defines our masculinity should come more from what we do and what we accomplish – rather than from who we are and what we feel.


My hope is that the picture I paint here will jump-start more conversations for you with the people you love about how we as men can see ourselves from a deeper perspective and apply that to our lives and relationships in courageous ways.


Here is a basic overview of the patterns I’ve noticed:

The Male Inadequacy Myth

Similar to how women have identified the oppressive social stigma of a Beauty Myth that judges their inherent value...

The Mask of Masculinity

It’s pretty normal for us humans to “wear a mask” as we engage the world on a day-to-day basis. This mask or persona...

Masculinity 2.0

The foundation of male privilege and power that defines Traditional Masculinity is the unexplored fear, pain, anger, sadness...